Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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