No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
