hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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