i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
