Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
