Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
