I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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