I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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