THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and she was petting her beer can
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
