u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
