and you said cock pushups were impossible
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
two words: eviction party
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
