Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize