I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
farters have to be the big spoon...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
