Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
