nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
