Where is the hickey?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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