i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize