He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
