my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The uberlube is also flammable
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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