There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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