I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
