Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
