Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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