in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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