Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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