Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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