i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
