I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
