goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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