it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize