she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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