I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
