OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
