the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
