im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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