Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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