Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and she was petting her beer can
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
