your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
