I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
