i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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