my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
