So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize