You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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