Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
