i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
