i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
