I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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