i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
