you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
