YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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