I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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