Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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