Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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