I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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