Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
