Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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