just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
