I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
