Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
