ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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