Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
