Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
