he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
