Your dad touched me again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
