I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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