Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
