my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
