the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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