I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
