also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
