ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
