just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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