I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
