what day is it and did you see me today?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
