So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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