its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
