I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
