how hairy? two words: wookie tits
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
