he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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