I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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