Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
two words: eviction party
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
