I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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