she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
