We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We are all done wearing pants today
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
