You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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