Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
