I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
