by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
