do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
