It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had to cum in my sink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
