I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
