why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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