apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
