Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
