My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
