I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
