Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
