party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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