Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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