this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
