How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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