Sponge bath it is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Less talking, more tequila
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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