Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
