i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
