I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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