I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
