No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I want a musical about memes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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