i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize