Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
