Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
